How To Manage Anxious and Depressed Feelings With IFS
In my experience, most people come to therapy because they are overwhelmed by their feelings and their thoughts. They feel paralyzed by anxiety, crippled with depression or burdened by traumas from the past. Often, it seems as though thoughts and feelings are happening TO the person. In extreme cases, people feel like a victim or a bystander to their own inner world of thoughts and feelings.
Anxiety, Depression and Trauma – A New Perspective
As an Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapist, I understand the human mind to be naturally subdivided. That is, each of us is made up of many little sub-personalities. Each of these sub-personalities, or parts, has a story to tell. Each part has fears, goals and relationships with other parts. Largely, each “part” represents a feeling one experiences, a thought or series of thoughts one has, and can even be connected to sensations one feels in the body (think about how your face feels hot when you get angry or how you get butterflies in your belly when anxious).
Changing Language to Reduce Anxiety, Depression and Overwhelm
When working with new clients who often arrive with few ideas on how to reduce their overwhelming anxiety and depression, I start by asking them to begin ‘speaking in parts’. Making this minor adjustment can alleviate the intensity of anxious feelings as they creep up or allow a deep sadness to cut less deeply.
For example, a client might say to me “I’m so anxious, all of my thoughts are on repeat and racing through my mind”. I tell my client to simply reframe what was just said. I suggest, try saying this, instead, “A part of me feels really anxious. This part of me is loud and keeps repeating the same things over and over.”
Almost invariably, allowing the part to take responsibility for the anxious thought or feelings of anxiety reduces the overwhelm. It makes sense. If it’s only a part of me that is anxious, isn’t that easier to manage than if all of me is anxious? Even further, it is so much easier to manage than “I am anxious”.
Changing Inner Dynamics to Reduce Anxiety, Depression and Overwhelm
In IFS, just as important as the parts themselves are the relationships amongst the parts and to the “Self”. The Self is the core- it’s innately you. The Self is the natural leader of the whole system of parts. When a person is experiencing an anxiety disorder, a depressive disorder or PTSD, it means the system is out of balance and it’s likely that a part or a combination of parts are ‘leading’. To reduce anxiety, depression and other moments of overwhelm, we need to restore balance and allow the Self to regain some leadership.
How do we do this? We simply ask. Our parts naturally want to help us. Sometimes it seems like they really want to ruin our lives (by creating panic attacks before work presentations or by lashing out in anger to a loved one), but all of the work they’re doing, though perhaps misguided, is truly with the ultimate goal of keeping everything working- to keep you from collapsing, to keep you from being alone, to keep you from drinking too much alcohol or to keep you from feeling the lasting effects of your childhood trauma.
When you notice a part (anxious, racing thoughts or a sinking feeling of sadness in your chest), close your eyes and focus your attention on that thought, feeling or sensation. Gently ask that thought or feeling if it would be willing to give you some space. You can do this asking in your mind or out loud, whichever is most comfortable for you. It sounds something like this, “Would you be willing to step aside, even just a little bit, so I can get some perspective on you?” Notice how it responds. If it does give you that space, thank that part for cooperating. If it doesn’t, you can get curious about it and ask “Why” it won’t give you space.
Often, our parts are willing to give us the requested space. If they’re not, they’re usually open to explaining why.
Interested in Learning More?
If you connect with this way of thinking about what you’re thinking and feeling, you can learn more about IFS by clicking the link below. You can also schedule a phone consultation with me to ask any questions about what it means to be in IFS therapy, and how IFS therapy could help you heal from anxiety and past traumas.
Jessica Bennett, MA, LPC, CAADC is the Founder of Collaborative: Psychotherapy & Self-Discovery in Troy, Michigan. She is a Licensed Professional Counselor & Certified Advanced Alcohol and Drug Counselor who has completed Levels 1 & 2 IFS Training through the IFS Institute. Jessica specializes in treating young and aspiring professionals who wish to fully heal from trauma and anxiety.